Hymn of Glasses-Wearers – Teresa Milbrodt

We fog up in cold weather, sniffle-nosed,

bumping into things, a delicate winter dance

that makes us slow, graceful, or klutzy,

but we are proud of our four eyes, cats eyes,

wire framed eyes. We don’t want contacts. 

Lord, bless this astigmatism, the near-sighted,

far-sighted, all-seeing collective that carries

tissues and cleaning cloths for the inevitable

water splash, bane of our existence, but we know

the tense or romantic drama of taking glasses off. 

We look authoritative even when we don’t

know what we’re talking about. Especially when

we don’t. Gifted with fifteen extra IQ points,

the assumption made with this hallowed badge

of nerdiness, brain magnified by two tiny lenses,

all four of my eyes calculating. Why endure

the solution-filled life of contact lenses, chemical

cleansing, eyelash irritation, to free yourself of frames? 

Heavens, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Author Description: I have worn glasses since I was three years old, and feel uncomfortable without them. It irks me when teen movies that focus on turning a geeky character into a total babe start by giving them contacts and getting rid of their glasses. I love my glasses, dear world. Glasses are sexy. Deal with it.

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Bio: Teresa Milbrodt is the author of three short story collections: Instances of Head-Switching, Bearded Women: Stories, and Work Opportunities. She has also published a novel, The Patron Saint of Unattractive People, and a flash fiction collection, Larissa Takes Flight: Stories. Her fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry have appeared in numerous literary magazines.